What does self-confidence mean?
Self-confidence means trusting myself.
Trusting myself means being with myself and lovingly standing up for my own needs.
Because when I do that, I can trust myself. Then I have good intentions towards myself.
That doesn’t mean that I’m allowed to occupy or penetrate the space of others. But it is the task of the others to clearly demarcate their space.
Self-confidence has a lot to do with self-love and setting boundaries. That is why it is very difficult to implement at the beginning.
The people around me are perhaps used to the fact that I make myself smaller, adapt, keep quiet. When they are then suddenly confronted with the fact that I stand in my power, adapt to myself, express how I feel, it can evoke many different reactions.
For example, incomprehension, aggression or even the attempt to make myself smaller again, to manipulate me emotionally with statements like “You have changed” (with a negative undertone).
When such a statement comes from an Anam Cara, a true soul mate, it will be followed by an explanation of why the change that has occurred in me is uncomfortable for the other, and we will enter a growth zone together.
When it comes from someone who wants me small and quiet again, no such explanation will follow. Then it’s important to stay with me, by me. Because the reaction of the other – lack of understanding, resentment, aggression – is in most cases subconscious, which means that he himself is not aware that he is currently manipulating emotionally (after all, we also live in a society in which this is considered good manners!).
And, more importantly, his reaction has nothing to do with me. He himself is not understanding, unloving, aggressive towards himself and when I’m loving towards myself I’m a very strong mirror to his inner world. He doesn’t react directly to me, but subconsciously to what he sees in the mirror.
In moments like this, I can learn to always communicate in a loving manner, because often when we start to set boundaries, we do so a little aggressively at first because we’re not good at it yet. This can lead to subsequent negative thoughts about myself, which again weaken my self-confidence.
That’s why loving but firm communication is the next step to living self-confidence – because if I always communicate firmly but lovingly, I can’t blame myself afterwards, no matter how the other person reacted to my communication.
This requires a great deal of honesty towards myself, as well as knowing my weaknesses, because otherwise I will not become a self-loving and self-trusting person, but an aggressive, self-justified human.
It took me many years to develop a healthy self-confidence. I collected the tools that helped me with this in Gnothi Seauton. So, if you also want to embark on the journey towards yourself, you now know how and where to start.